Thursday, January 13, 2011

tumultuous new year

"Going Home" Sara Groves
I’ve been feeling kind of restless
I’ve been feeling out of place

I can hear a distant singing

A song that I can’t write

And it echoes of what I’m always trying to say

There’s a feeling I can’t capture

It’s always just a prayer away

I want to know the ending

Things hoped for but not seen
But I guess that’s the point of hoping anyway

Of going home, I’ll meet you at the table
Going home, I’ll meet you in the air
And you are never too young to think about it

Oh, I cannot wait to be home

I’m confined by my senses
To really know what you are like
You are more than I can fathom
And more than I can guess
And more than I can see with you in sight

But I have felt you with my spirit

I have felt you fill this room

And this is just an invitation
Just a sample of the whole
And I cannot wait to be going home

Going home, I’ll meet you at the table

Going home, I’ll meet you in the air

And you are never too young to think about it

Oh, I cannot wait to be going, to be going home

Face to face, how can it be
Face to face, how can it be
Face to face, how can it be

Cuz this is just an invitation

Just a sample of the whole

And I cannot wait to be going home

I think I've been avoiding writing about the past 3 weeks because I'm not done processing them. I still feel some sense of anxiety and worry - although I can't quite figure out if it's from a new work schedule or residual effects of our move last week.

Move. Yes, I said it -- we moved again. I've been in New York City for one year and have already moved three times: Grosse Pointe to NYC; NYC to Brooklyn; and now, only a few blocks away, we have moved again in Brooklyn. God has really been testing my longing for the perfect, earthly home. As Jeff and I have been discussing the past two weeks, I'm beginning to learn that a "home" in suburbia has quickly become an idol of mine. Not only do I long for a home in Michigan near my family, but I long for a comfortable, washer/dryer-in-unit, nightstand, painted walls, backyard, nice school district, 2 car garage, PERMANENT home. Yes, the girl who has preached about living in the hood amongst the poor secretely wants a white, middle-upper class, 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, safe home. Maybe Sara Groves has it right -- what I'm really longing for is my home in heaven...maybe nothing on this earth will satisfy my desire for home.

Jeff and I thought we found a good balance of our hood-loving-yet-trendy-safe-apartment-with-character in September. We soon realized it was missing two essential elements: heat and hot water. Along with the annoyance of daily cold showers, we also had a landlord that didn't find it necessary to spend time or money on fixing the hot water heater. After 15+ visits from our super and landlord, privately hiring (and paying) for a hot water company, a few "heated" arguments between Jeff and our landlord, we finally came to the realization that we had to leave...ASAP Unfortunately, this decision came 3 nights before we were to leave for Michigan

Although our landlord verbally agreed to let us out of our lease and give us our security deposit and last month's rent back, we really wanted something in writing, to assure us. There were many false promises previously made, so Jeff wrote a "Recession of Lease" document that included all terms previously discussed and agreed upon. Our landlord initially said we could have until January 15 to move out, but moved it to January 1. Nonetheless, he did not tell us that we had to move out on January 1 until we had already left for Michigan and had NO boxes packed. Although he also promised he would return the "Recession of Lease" agreement before we left, he NEVER returned it. Alas, we ended up leaving for Michigan with no closure, no place to live and not sure if our landlord would actually follow through with his promises.

To say the least, the holidays at home were very stressful. Looking for a new apartment from Michigan, over-night mailing documents to the new leasing company and, yet, really wanting to just spend quality time with my family...We did eventually go CSI on our landlord and recorded a phone call with him in which he agreed to the recession of lease terms.
Throughout our trip, I consistently heard God whisper to me, "Laura, do you trust me? I have you and I have always have had you." I kept responding with, "LORD! ALL I WANT IS A HOME! WHY IS THIS SO STRESSFUL!!?!?" While we were looking for an apartment, we considered moving back to Michigan for one, hot second. Unfortunately, Jeff and I are big planners and thought it would be careless to quit our jobs on a whim. It looks like we will be in new york until january of 2012. yuck.

All in all, God has been so faithful. We found a home and moved within two days of returning to new york. The Lord opened so many doors to allow the paperwork to be quickly processed despite the big snow storm. we had one friend, alfredo, that was so dedicated to us, our family and friendship. He spent the night with us and helped us move into our new place.

on a sidenote: good friends like alfredo really make me long for my girlfriends at home. is it too much to ask for a friend who will be there within a drop-of-a-hat to help me move, have coffee with me or just hang out? maybe i haven't found any of those girlfriends here because god is protecting my heart. it's painful to be away from my dear friends in michigan.

friends like this:

and this....

and her....

and, most importantly, HER

sorry for the novel you just read... as i said, i'm still processing...

much love


  1. HI Laura - got your note and miss you too! We will be in and about next weekend...perhaps we can hook up. Thanks for this post - gives me an idea of what has been going on and insight into the strength that are needing to rely on these days. xoxo, Ali